we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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