at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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