Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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