well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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