and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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