Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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