I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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