WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
