NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
