The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
