They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
