its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just high enough for therapy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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