I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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