i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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