I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
