Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
