I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
