North Korea, Best Korea!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
