so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
