i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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