They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
