I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
