What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
