For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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