no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
