Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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