she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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