Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
