The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
