Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
