I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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