I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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