Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
