Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
