omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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