ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
