So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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