yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
