thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
