sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
