if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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