my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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