And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
