Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
