I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
