i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
