Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
