He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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