"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
how drunk are you?
Several
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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