I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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