So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
