It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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