Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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