I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
